It was at a beach outing few months ago; we waited for the sunset and then the bus.
She approached us with one of her friend at the bus stop. Asian girl, long hair, a scarf worn around her neck, it was a chilly 7pm.
“Are you waiting for the bus?” and “Are you guys Malaysian?” She asked. She was leading the three of us into a conversation while her friend took on another of my friend alone.
Then the killer mistakes came, just when she mentioned her name, the traffic was noisy, no one heard her name. The whole scene repeated itself when she mentioned about the course she is taking.
After some polite chitchat, she asked for our opinion on God SUDDENLY. She started to lose us and she failed in getting any of our numbers.
She used question openers to initiate the interaction. She even looked for similarity before approaching us so she could continue to plow with us. A girl with courage and planning, it was a beautiful start.
Getting your name through to the other parties are important especially when you making advances on random strangers, confidently introduces yourself, a warm handshake and a fond smile. A good first impression is quite important as well as a name for others to address you. That was her first mistake.
She used opinion openers when she wanted to transit into the subject of God, a not so wise move. I heard the word Goth the first time she asked, my brain was telling me how weird she was behaving, one of my friends immediately went into his shell as he is a strong believer of another religion, and another one loses interest as he is non believer. It was a fatal move. She devalued the rapport she built with the abrupt introduction of the subject God.
There are only three categories when it comes to the fairly sensitive topic of religion – believers, fence sitters, the non believers, and fence sitters should be their primary objective. The non religious person would not care and the believer of other religion would build a wall around them and totally cut off from the reality.
I would immediately convey my intention to invite them to caroling if I were her, straight to the point.
“Hey, you know what? I was thinking of inviting you guys to the caroling we are having…………..”
And then only I would start to work on the rapport, reassuring the strangers that I am not a religious person and just drop by, have fun, meet new people and make some friends. She is just being Asian, pai-seh la want to approach random people especially with a hidden purpose. If sooner or later you have to bring out the subject, be straight to the point, at least it would not give the person you are interacting with an impression that you approached them with a purpose.
She failed to get our numbers and thus has no mean of follow-up and chances of people turning up at her event are zero. Leave a strong impression and get your targets' numbers are important. Why you need a strong impression?
"Hey. It's me, you know, that [ordinary] girl you met at the bus stop the other day near the XYZ beach....., rang a bell yet?"
"Oh, yea yea I remember you."
is going to be awkward. I too have to learn my lesson.
My friend commented that she was friendly. Friendly with an intention is not (genuine) friendly, I corrected him. She made a few mistakes after the good head start she had, her frame was weakened. She had to actively maintain the interaction while I took on my observer position from there and analyzed every moves she made. I have seen the best of her, she went on and on about Malaysia, she ran out of topics. I did not intend to make up for her mistake, she initiated the whole interaction and I do not even know her name to begin with.
She should have known it is not easy to approach random strangers on the street.
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